Sexy Flexing With An Eggplant
by thejammys
Summary: [GaaLee] Lee tries to take advantage of what he thinks is his only chance to ask out Gaara. But since he doesn't know how to be sexy, Neji and Tenten must offer their guidance.


A/N: I recently got a really wonderful prompt on tumblr and originally thought it would be a ficlet, but I liked the prompt so much I ended up writing more :O

The prompt: Lee is on his way to the gym, but decides to stop at the local minimart. As he walks inside he see Gaara, a neighbor in his apartment building, grabbing a shopping cart. Lee stopped dead in his tracks and looked down at his old worn out work out clothes and panics. He sprints back to his apartment, around the corner, to fix his hair, eyebrows, and put on better clothes. He then runs back to the supermarket and tries to inconspicuously get Gaara to notice him. He is confident because Lee knows he looks good, but wants Gaara to notice him and be the first one to make a move. He tries to be looking at sexy items in whatever aisle Gaara is currently in like…expensive wine, sexy tomato sauce…and maybe eggplants.

oooooo

"And when I reached for the door, our hands brushed for a second and it was amazing!"

Tenten winced at her friend's exclamation since it blew her hair back a bit. "Yeah, did you say anything?"

Lee huffed as he sat up in another crunch and shook his head. "No, I'm afraid I got a little too excited, accidentally made a noise, and then forgot how to speak."

"So basically, like every interaction you've ever had with him."

"That's not true! Gaara and I have spoken many times! Remember last Thursday when I said 'good morning' to him?" Lee huffed back, abandoning his form and drawing his hands into eager fists.

Tenten rolled her eyes and shifted her weight on her friend's feet again as she pushed his head back down so he would continue his crunches. "You mean the morning you got this bruise?" she teased, pointing to the purple blossom on his leg she was referring to.

Lee's cheeks turned pink and he refused to answer.

It hadn't been his most graceful moment. Immediately after his cheerful greeting, Lee had tripped and fallen down the stairs. He didn't wait long enough to see if the man he'd been speaking to would come to check on him. He'd immediately jumped up and sprinted out of the building before he could embarrass himself further.

It's just that… his neighbor was so _handsome_. He'd moved into Lee's building about a year ago, and from the moment Lee had laid eyes on him – when he'd gone over to offer to help him unpack – he'd been stupidly smitten.

Since that time, they had spoken a total of seventeen times. Lee had marked every date that it happened with a heart on his calendar.

Lee had learned that his neighbor worked at a nursery and really enjoyed working with plants; he had two siblings, both older than him; he didn't like exercise; he wasn't terribly fond of rain; he didn't have a lot of visitors; he had no immediate plans to get a dog; and best of all – he was _single_.

Were it not for a very strict sexual harassment policy in their apartment leases barring tenants from requesting anything that could vaguely be construed as sexual from each other, (up to and including, a date), then Lee would have proposed they go out together immediately.

As it was, he had to settle for little moments in the hallway.

"You should just ask him out," Tenten said.

It was the same advice she had been giving Lee since day one, but he was determined not to violate the terms of their lease agreement. Especially since he knew Gaara had signed and agreed to the same rules when he moved in. Perhaps Gaara had specifically sought out a building where he wouldn't have to put up with people constantly requesting he date them.

He was just so handsome that Lee could imagine no other scenario then everyone vying to be Gaara's partner.

So he kept his feelings to himself, and would run home to his roommates and gush every time he got to talk to his crush.

It was sweet, but it also made Tenten sad.

"I can only ask him out if we are not in the building, Tenten. I must respect his home life!"

Tenten rolled her eyes and got off of Lee's feet so they could switch places.

"It's a shame, Lee. You two would be cute together."

"Maybe someday we will be!" Lee chirped back happily as he put his knees on top of Tenten's feet to help her keep form.

"Yeah, someday," she agreed.

But for crying out loud, that day should hurry up.

oooooo

Lee left the gym feeling a bit dejected after his talk with Tenten. Normally his workouts put him in a great mood! But today, this was not the case. Perhaps a visit to his other roommate would brighten his spirits.

The grocery store he frequented was right across the street from his apartment building, and his roommate Neji worked there part time. He didn't love the work, but he got an employee discount, and food was something he and his roommates would never run out of a need for.

It so happened that Lee knew Neji was working right now, or he would have joined in on the gym outing.

Lee popped into the store and grinned brightly when he spotted his roommate.

"Hello, Neji! How is your day going?" he asked as he walked over to where his buddy was flipping through a binder with a frown on his face.

"Hey, Lee," Neji replied, absentmindedly.

Lee wasn't bothered that Neji didn't answer his question; after all, he looked busy. So he dropped down to tie his shoe while he waited for his roommate's attention.

"Your boyfriend is here," Neji said.

Lee looked up at him and blinked. "My what?"

"Gaara."

Neji didn't see Lee move, but suddenly his roommate was standing, rigid and focused, staring at him with wide crazy eyes.

" _Gaara is here?!"_ he asked, lips barely moving as the rest of his body stayed tensed.

"Yeah, he came in like a minute ago. I think he's over near the paper towels."

Lee whipped around so fast he nearly wrenched his back. He knew where the paper towels were – and that was surely a blessing from the universe! This would be the perfect opportunity to ask Gaara on a date!

"You are not going to go talk to him dressed like that."

Neji wasn't asking.

"I – what?" Lee asked, distractedly as he continued to look behind him, expecting to see Gaara pop out at any moment.

"Lee, you've just come from the gym."

"But – but Neji, this might be the only time I see him outside of the apartment! If I don't ask him out now, I may never get the chance again!"

Neji glanced over in the direction of the paper towels and then looked back at Lee.

"No, really. You have to go change."

Lee's lower lip started wobbling and he looked at Neji with pleading eyes.

"I'll stall him."

Neji was certain if he was standing on the other side of the counter that Lee would have kissed him.

Lee's face lit up and he called a 'thank you' over his shoulder as he hurried out.

oooooo

"Is he still here?!" Lee shrieked as he ran back in and nearly knocked over the display of canned tomatoes Neji was arranging.

Neji looked down at his watch and frowned.

Only four minutes had passed since Lee had sprinted out of the store. He knew his roommate was fast but good lord.

Lee had managed to change his clothes and wash his face – and from what Neji's nose could tell, he'd also put on the body spray his dad had purchased for him.

"You'll be lucky if he didn't hear that, and yes, he's still here," Neji answered.

Lee started looking around again like a confused puppy. His hands were mindlessly flattening down imaginary wrinkles on his shirt.

"Do I look okay now?" he asked, much quieter than his last outburst.

Neji paused his activity and gave his roommate sincere attention. "You look very handsome, Lee."

Lee stopped his jittery movements and looked like he was going to cry again. "Neji…"

"We're not doing that right now. Go find Gaara, I think he's in the – _Lee, he's right there_!"

The bizarre noise Lee's body decided must come out anytime he was within one hundred feet of his crush made a debut as he jerked his head around.

Neji's hand shot out to seize his roommate's wrist before Lee could sprint over and potentially risk the structural integrity of his other canned displays.

"You need to calm down. What are you going to say to him?" he asked quietly, although the point was moot since he could see Gaara looking at them from over Lee's shoulder. Lee's freakish bird noise was bound to draw a puzzled look.

Lee brought up his fist and struck a determined pose. "I am going to ask him to please go on a date with me!"

Apparently the idea of whispering so as not to draw unnecessary attention was elusive to Lee.

Neji released Lee's wrist so he could pinch the bridge of his nose with his fingers while he sighed. "Have you entertained the notion of 'playing it cool'?"

"I do not know what you mean."

That deserved another sigh.

"Just talk to him like a normal person – or better yet, wait for him to come talk to you. That way you know he actually wants to interact with you," Neji counseled, glancing over Lee's shoulder again. Thankfully, Gaara had returned to his shopping and either wasn't paying them mind, or was skillfully pretending not to be interested.

He hadn't meant for that to come out as a blow, but Lee looked stung. "You think he doesn't want to talk to me?

Now they were in crying territory again.

"No, Lee –"

Wrong start.

Lee's damned bottom lip was the most guilt-inducing thing in Neji's life.

"No, that's not what I meant!" Neji corrected quickly. "I just mean that since you're always the one starting conversations and pursuing him, why don't you try hanging back and see how that goes."

At least his lip stopped wobbling, but Lee didn't seem to like this idea.

"But what if he doesn't talk to me?"

"Find some way to get his attention," Neji replied nonchalantly.

Lee continued to look at him like an insecure animal.

Good god.

"Lee, what would your dad say?"

That did the trick. The suggestion of tears questing in the corners of Lee's eyes evaporated as he brought his fist up once more.

"He would tell me to believe in myself!"

"Yes, he would. Now go," Neji ordered, turning back to his work.

Lee nodded once and turned to face Gaara.

His heart immediately picked up the beat of a drum line.

But Neji (and by hypothetical extension, his father) was right! He had cleaned up nicely, he was wearing his skinny jeans that Tenten said did favors for his bottom, and he had washed his hair this morning! It took more than one workout to defeat the shine and luster his conditioner gave him.

No, this was great. He would get Gaara's attention and show him that he could play it cool!

Although… it did seem rude not to at least say hello – they were neighbors, after all.

Lee started to walk towards Gaara, reasoning that after they exchanged a pleasant greeting then he could get right on with playing it cool – but immediately felt someone seize the back of his shirt.

"Don't just go up to him!" Neji hissed from behind him.

Lee turned around and scowled at him as he tugged his shirt back down, since Neji's grabbing had pulled it up a few inches.

Since he was glaring at his roommate, he missed Gaara looking over and noticing the flash of Lee's stomach that had appeared.

"Neji! I like this shirt!" Lee admonished.

It was an emerald green V-neck that cost his dad eight dollars, but Lee was awfully fond of it. He didn't want it to be ripped off his back.

"Go over there and play with the vegetables and wait for him to come to you," Neji ordered, pushing on Lee's butt to guide him away from Gaara.

"I was just going to say 'hello'!"

"Just do it!"

'Play with the vegetables' wasn't terribly specific advice, but Lee wanted to trust in the wisdom of his friend. So he followed the butt nudge and walked to the other side of the fruits and veggies section and absentmindedly picked up a lemon, and then put it right back down when he noticed an old woman next to him was genuinely considering the fruits for purchase.

"Oh, excuse me, ma'am," Lee said politely, moving out of the way so as not to impede her shopping.

He looked over at Neji and shook his head to show he didn't know what to do.

Neji mouthed something at him that sounded like a command, but Lee wasn't great at reading lips.

'What?' he mouthed back.

'Check-ee' was the best Lee could read.

Lee mouthed 'what' once more.

But another attempt from Neji got him nothing, so Lee called out, "What?"

Neji scowled and pulled his phone out of his pocket.

Lee felt the buzz from a text a few seconds later.

' _Sexy!'_ it read.

That actually raised more questions than it answered, so Lee called out "What?" again, but this time a bit more scandalized.

His roommate simply scowled again and brought his phone up to his ear.

Lee answered the call with a polite, "Hello, Neji."

"Try being sexy," Neji ordered, skipping right over the cursory greeting.

"You mean like flexing?"

"Sure, try that."

Alright then…

Lee didn't hang up the phone, but he did bring his arms up so he could flex them, and then looked over at Neji for approval.

Neji leaned his head forward a bit in anticipation, like he was waiting… but Lee wasn't sure what for.

The lemon lady beside him had paused her browsing to stare perplexedly at Lee's pose.

But after another few seconds of holding it, Neji shook his head and pointed to his phone, so Lee dropped one arm so he could bring his to his ear.

"It didn't work! He didn't even turn around!" Lee cried, turning to the lemon lady in the hopes that she would understand his plight.

She wanted no part of his angst.

"Lee – I meant that you should flex once you have his attention. Don't just stand there flexing when his back is to you! It makes you look crazy."

"Well I didn't know what you meant!" Lee shot back, moving over to the display of kiwis so he was closer to Gaara's peripheral vision.

He heard Neji sigh into the phone.

"How do I get him to look at me?" Lee asked, keeping his eye on Gaara as he passed the kiwis and moved even closer, next to the eggplants.

"Hold on, I just asked Tenten," Neji replied.

"What did she say?"

"I said hold on!"

Lee closed his mouth and waited, flicking his eyes back and forth between Neji and Gaara's back.

It did seem that Gaara was taking an awfully long time picking out his apples.

"Okay, she said to say 'Oh wow, this zucchini is so hard'," Neji said after another minute of waiting.

"And you think that will work?" Lee asked with a frown as he looked down at the eggplants and picked one up.

Across the store, Neji shrugged and moved on to another display of cans. "Just try it."

Lee took a deep breath and nodded once.

"Oh wow, this zucchini is so hard!" he yelled, in what was arguably _not_ a sexy voice.

It did the trick though, Gaara turned around and looked right at him with a completely bewildered expression.

They locked eyes right as Neji yelled, "That is an eggplant!" into the phone.

"I was repeating what you told me!" Lee yelled back, still making eye contact with Gaara.

Gaara looked him up and down once with a tiny smile. "Hello, Lee."

Lee's smile wasn't tiny at all. "Hi, Gaara," he answered back, waving with the hand that was still holding the eggplant.

"Flex now!" Neji ordered.

Lee jumped and assumed his flexing pose again, still holding the eggplant.

Although the phone was no longer next to his ear, Lee heard the exasperated 'not like that!' loud and clear.

His cheeks turned pink with embarrassment and he put the phone back as he dropped the pose. But he also dropped his gaze and didn't notice Gaara's amused expression.

"I meant casually, Lee! Flex while you're reaching for things – and put down the eggplant," Neji said.

Lee did as he was told. "But he was looking at me so I thought –"

"You're going to scare him off, acting like that."

And apparently he had. When Lee had looked down to return his veggie weight, Gaara had moved out of the produce section.

"Where did he go?" Lee asked, when he looked up and saw Gaara was no longer there.

There was a moment of silence, and then Neji answered, "He's in the cheese."

Lee started to hurry out of the section when Neji said, "Play it cool!"

So he slowed himself and tried to appear casual as he slid around the corner and saw Gaara once more.

But Lee wasn't great at 'casual', so it sort of looked like he was sliding his legs out in front of him as far as they could go instead of taking normal steps.

He picked up a cheese at random and said, "Ah, gouda," a bit too loudly.

Gaara looked up at him. "You like gouda?" he asked in his lovely deep voice.

Lee was far too excited that Gaara was speaking to him at all to remember that he was supposed to be suave here. "Oh, yes! But I'm actually lactose intolerant, so I have to take a special medicine if I'm going to eat it."

Gaara stared at him.

"Otherwise I get stomach aches," Lee continued.

Gaara frowned.

"… and gas…"

"Lee stop talking!" Neji ordered.

Yes, that was a good idea.

Lee closed his mouth and pulled his lips into a thin line.

"That's unfortunate," Gaara replied, not unkindly, but as though he wasn't sure what else to say.

"Lee you need to walk away from him," Neji instructed.

Lee followed the command blindly as the embarrassment over what he'd just shared with his crush hit him in horrible waves.

"Did I just tell Gaara that cheese gives me gas?" Lee asked, after he'd run away from the cheese section without saying goodbye to Gaara, and sequestered himself in the foreign food section.

"Yes, you did," Neji answered.

"Why did I do that?"

"I don't think we'll ever know."

Lee closed his eyes and dropped his head forward onto a jar of salsa in front of him. "What do I do now, Neji?"

"I think you should go home," Neji answered as he sent another text to Tenten reading: _This is painful_.

"I can't go home!" Lee cried, standing up straight again. "Neji! This might be my only chance to ask him out!"

Neji didn't answer immediately, since he was reading Tenten's reply: ' _Help him!',_ and wasn't sure what to do with that.

"Lee, you cannot possibly ask him out after that."

"I must!"

"Lee –"

"No!" Lee interrupted. "I can do it! I can be sexy for him! Here – I'm right next to the pasta, and ooh look, these have _swirl_ shapes. Swirls are sexy, right?"

 _In what universe_ –

"I'm going to buy these," Lee continued.

"I think it's going to take more than swirl pasta."

There was a lovely arrangement of olive oil next to the pasta, so Lee picked up a bottle of that as well.

"What about when it's paired with extra virgin olive oil?"

Neji refrained from making any of the cruel but obvious jokes that came with Lee's question.

"It may still take more than that."

But Lee was undeterred. "I'm wiling to do whatever it takes! I don't want to ruin this chance!"

"Alright, Lee, well he's over in wine now so-"

"Perfect!" Lee shrieked. "Wine is sexy!"

"You don't drink."

Lee hurried to where the alcohol was, clutching his pasta and oil tightly. "That does not matter!"

In Neji's opinion, it mattered a great deal, but he wasn't going to rain on Lee's absurd parade.

"Tenten is here," he said, instead.

Lee paused and looked over his shoulder as though his roommates would be standing right there.

"She is?"

"She wanted to lend her support," Neji explained. "And I have to hang up, my manager is here."

"Okay – thank you, Neji! Please tell Tenten I say, 'hello'," Lee replied.

It was kind of his friend's to show him such loving support.

He slipped his phone into his pocket as he turned onto the wine aisle and saw his handsome neighbor.

 _Okay, time to be sexy_.

Lee leaned over as subtly as he could and tried to read the label on the bottle Gaara was holding.

"Is cabinet your favorite?" Lee asked brightly.

Gaara frowned and blinked for a moment. "Cabernet?" he tried.

Lee was too committed to be embarrassed, but on the next aisle over, unseen by Lee but watching him intensely, Neji and Tenten both dropped their faces into their hands.

"Yes, that one!"

Gaara had that same tiny smile again and shook his head. "I don't have a favorite, but my sister enjoys this."

"Oh, I see," Lee replied. "I don't have a favorite either!"

Gaara put the bottle in his basket and considered Lee. "I thought you didn't drink."

He didn't remember telling Gaara that, but he was so touched that this small bit of information was _remembered_ that Lee felt so compelled to hug his neighbor. Fortunately, he resisted this urge. "I don't! But I thought maybe I would get a nice…chard…one – _this_ as a gift," Lee replied, reaching out and picking up a bottle at random.

Perhaps it was sexier if he didn't try to pronounce the names.

"Chardonnay," Gaara said smoothly.

Oh, but it was sexy when _he_ said it.

"Yes," Lee replied.

However much he might be failing on the sexy front, Gaara was still looking at him with what Lee wanted to believe was a fond expression.

"Are you having pasta for dinner?" Gaara asked, nodding to the other contents in Lee's arms.

"Oh – yes, I suppose so!"

Gaara nodded at him. "I like pasta," he said, turning to face Lee completely.

Oh, what a lovely fact!

"Me too!" Lee answered back, so happy that he and Gaara had something in common.

But Gaara didn't say anything to that, he just looked at Lee sort of… expectantly?

It wasn't until Tenten ran around from her hiding place and threw a loaf of bread at Lee's head that he caught onto what was happening.

"Oh! _OH!"_

Gaara smiled at him.

"Gaara! I would love it if you would please join me for pasta tonight!" Lee declared.

"I would like that, Lee."

It was possible that Lee had never been happier in his life than he was in this moment.

He followed Gaara to the check out, and the high fives his roommates gave him fortunately went unseen by his crush.

Once they had paid for their things, Neji and Tenten hung back so the boys could finish up with each other.

"What time would be good for you?" Lee asked, nearly vibrating with excitement.

"I can come over at six," Gaara answered, warmed by Lee's happiness.

"Wonderful! Um, I hope you have a great rest of your day until then, Gaara!"

Gaara nodded to him and left after a kind, "You too."

The second Gaara was out of sight Lee burst into tears and ran over to his roommates.

"I did it! I did it! We have a date!" he sobbed.

Tenten patted his back and laughed while Neji avoided getting his uniform wet with Lee's emotions.

"I know! We're so happy for you! But Lee, you can't serve him swirly pasta and olive oil let's do some more shopping. And Neji said you told him cheese gives you gas? _Lee_."

The roommates helped Lee get ingredients for a better meal, while Gaara had paused outside to send a text to his sister; one that he'd wanted to send for a year of frequenting that supermarket in the hopes of running into his neighbor.

' _I have a date tonight with Lee_.'

Her reply was immediate.

' _It's about damn time.'_

oooooo

A/N: Thank you for reading! And thank you to mcmonkybutt for the prompt! I really hope you like it and I'm sorry it's a little different than your request!


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